June 22, 2008 - Foster parents recruited: DSS seeking folks to help area youths - By Kelly Glista TELEGRAM & GAZETTE CORRESPONDENT

Among those honored Thursday at the Youth Excellence Awards ceremony were members of the Borelli famiy: from left, Martha, Chris, 16, Carolyn, 11, and Edward. (T&G Staff Photos / STEVE LANAVA)

WORCESTER — On what is considered a "very quiet" day at the state Department of Social Services office in the city there are still two teenage boys sitting quietly in the lobby, simply because they have nowhere else to go.

On a busy day the DSS may have a lobby full of youngsters of all ages talking, laughing and crying while employees scramble to place each one. Some will be placed for adoption or into foster care homes, but many will be sent to a volunteer emergency hot-line house for the night. The next day those in the latter category will return to their place on a bench in the lobby.

The problem is a lack of foster care and adoptive families in the Worcester area. According to a date profile prepared by DSS, Worcester's East and West offices were only able to place about 21 percent of the children in their caseload, leaving more than 2,500 youngsters without placement at the end of 2007. In DSS's entire Central Region, only about 1,300 youths were placed out of some out 6,500 in the system.

The city offices are actively trying to increase community awareness about the dire need for foster care homes in Worcester County. The DSS Foster Home Recruitment Task Force is working with organizations such as the Worcester Community Action Council and the Boys and Girls Club of Central Massachusetts to distribute information fliers throughout the city. Some 12,000 fliers already have been distributed to the Worcester Public Schools and another 5,000 are being passed out with deliveries made by Domino's Pizza. The task force also has distributed information packets available at three local restaurants and bookmarks available at the public library.

Anne Bureau, program director for the Community Action Council's Connection Coalition and member of the task force, said the project has been in the works for about nine months.

"We just took this running," she said. "We're really extending an effort because there is such a need."

The literature outlines some of the basic requirements for foster care families and answers some of the more frequently asked questions. Another goal of the task force is to dispel some of the myths surrounding foster care children.

Debra Tambeau, the task force's designated Worcester West Parent Ambassador to the task force, is an adoptive mother of five children. She said there is a stigma surrounding adopted and foster children, especially adolescents.

"People have fears that if they take in an older child there'll be problems," she said.

Ms. Tambeau adopted her five children at all different ages, ranging from an infant to teenager, and is adamant that she wouldn't trade any of her experiences for the world. Too often, she said, people think that there must be a problem with the child for them to be in a foster care situation. In truth, she added, the problem generally lies with a dysfunctional family.

Two of her children, she pointed out, are attending college, while the youngest two were both recently awarded student of the month awards at their local schools.

Ten years ago the Worcester DSS office started the Youth Excellence Awards to honor some of its foster care families and adopted teens for their achievements. Thursday night, 31 youngsters were honored at the Manor Restaurant in West Boylston for successes that included high school graduation and acceptance to college.

Mary Whitehead-Santos, a regional family residential liaison for the Worcester DSS office, said that the awards help encourage the youngsters and help point out the little-seen positives of teen foster care programs.

"It's nice to see how far they've come," she said.

Amy Dand was one of the evening's honorees. The 17-year-old Rutland resident was nominated by Tara Appling, her social worker for three years, for graduating high school and going on to a liberal arts college. In presenting Amy's award, Ms. Appling said that Amy had overcome so many obstacles and should be very proud of her achievements.

For Amy the award is a sign that she is headed in the right direction.

"It means I'm doing better," she said. She thanked DSS and her social workers for all their work in helping her get to this point.

Placement for teenagers in DSS care is the most difficult to find. Of the 5,229 youngsters in the DSS Central Region who were not placed last year, almost half were between the ages of 12 and 17. At the same time, Ms. Whitehead-Santos estimated, there only about 200 foster care families in the city of Worcester itself.

"And they're all full," she added.

Martha Borelli, from Webster, is a foster care parent and adoptive mother of seven. She, her husband and her two youngest children sat around a table at Thursday's ceremony to support all the honorees and her son Chris, 16, who was performing for the event. Mrs. Borelli and her husband have been foster care parents since 1970 and have had some 70 foster children pass through their home for different lengths of time. She grew up with one foster brother, she noted, and that experience drew her into the program.

"I loved it and I said, 'I want to do this when I get older'"

At the ceremony, Chris sang and played a song he had composed. He was honored to be part of the event – and never expected to be there. Chris only began playing piano five years ago when he was placed with the Borellis, and now aspires to attend Berklee College of Music after high school.

Having foster siblings and adopted siblings brings something different to the home, he said.

"Everyone has a story. It's kind of different every time."

Mrs. Borelli said that sometimes it's hard being attached to temporary foster care children, but that she is there to provide the stability and support that any parent should give.

"When you have a family that's what you do."

Ms. Bureau and the DSS task force are hoping that the positive aspects of foster care can be made more apparent through their campaign. She said that the continued community cooperation has been valuable in educating Worcester on the rewards of being a foster parent.

As a parent, Ms. Tambeau said, one of the only common issues she's seen in adopted or foster care children is that they are mentally older or younger than their age would suggest. Because of their situation many children have taken on a parental role for younger siblings and are therefore forced to grow up very quickly. She said that sometimes a younger child is more independent than expected while a teenager may just want to be held.

"A heart with more room and an open lap," Ms. Tambeau said, "that's all they need."

For many of these youths stability is also a big need. Anyone interested in becoming a foster parent must complete eight weeks of the Massachusetts Approach to Partnership in Parenting training, nine weeks for adoptive parents. The training covers many different aspects including attachment issues, community connections, medical information and legalities.

Her family, Ms. Tambeau said, always tries to plan ahead.

"We talk about tomorrow, so that they know there is a tomorrow as a part of this family.

For more information on becoming a foster or adoptive parent, call the DSS Family Resource Unit at (800) 922-8169, open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.